The Friendship Breakup Is the One We Never Talk About, But Should

By Erin Meyer, LCPC, M.Ed., MA

We know how to grieve a breakup. We have playlists for it. Movies. Language.

But when a best friend disappears, when a years-long friendship ends in silence or rupture, there’s no map.

And yet, friendship breakups can be some of the deepest emotional wounds we carry.

As a therapist, I see this all the time. Clients come in with “I know this sounds silly…” or “It wasn’t romantic, but I can’t stop thinking about it…”

Let me say this clearly: This grief is real. And it deserves your attention.

Why does friendship loss hit so hard?

Attachment theory gives us a clue. Friendships often serve as core attachment figures, especially for those who may not have experienced safe connections growing up. Losing that person reactivates old wounds of abandonment or betrayal.

Lack of closure is another layer. With romantic relationships, there’s usually a “talk” or an end point. With friendships, it’s often a slow ghosting, a miscommunication that festers, or a boundary that gets crossed without repair.

Society minimizes it. We're taught that friendship should be easy, low-maintenance, or not as serious as romantic love. But adult friendship is layered, intimate, and deeply entangled in our identity.

How do you heal?

Validate your pain. Don’t gaslight yourself. “It wasn’t romantic” doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful. Your body and brain register emotional loss the same way, regardless of the relationship label.

Name the rupture.

Write about it. Explore what changed. What needs weren’t met. What patterns showed up. Clarity creates closure, even when the other person doesn’t offer it.

Reconnect with yourself.

When someone leaves, it can feel like a reflection of our worth. But their absence might actually make room for deeper alignment, new relationships, or the next version of you. Healing is both grieving and growing.

Whether the friendship ended abruptly or drifted away over time, the ache is real. Honor it. Mourn it. And know that you’re not alone.